I know it’s been a while. But unless you are not living under a rock, you must be knowing how devastating the last few months have been for the entire world. And it’s not yet over, unfortunately. I shall write about some of the things in future posts. But in the meanwhile, here is another feeble attempt of mine to be a poet. I am not nor do I claim to be so don’t judge, please.
And here is it’s translation in English,
Now there is no night of separation, there are no moments of being together.
There is no one in whom I exist, nor anyone is within me.
I have learned the art of hiding the pains,
In the ashes of tears, somewhere, a peal of lost laughter is left.
Nor there is any regret from the word and nor there is sorrow-filled mysef,
It’s just my control on tears cos there are some more breaths that are left.
A ruined world of heart and constantly wet eyes is the only earning now left,
No sorrowful or comforter is now left with Aman!
Hopefully I shall be more active. But then again I have said it a lot of times before too. So until next time.
I did want to write this blog few days ago but one thing or the other came up and it just got delayed.
If you have been a regular here, you should have known that one of my neighbors scummed to this bloody pandemic. His entire family was infected. That’s why no one didn’t visited the family. There is a ritual here that prayers are done for the departed soul for 13 days. I did want to go and attend but again, I didn’t. But within this time period of 13 days, I did meet elders of the family who were sitting outside the house. I didn’t sit for long, may be for 5 minutes. But it was still just so painful. At such moments, there is nothing that one can say which will ease the pain. It’s not that one has lost an object or vehicle or a gadget or an ornament. It’s a life that we are talking about that’s now gone, for forever. Anything said won’t change that fact. But it’s important to go and that’s why I went there. Did come back, took shower, changed clothes and then just sat thinking about the time when he was alive. It’s one thing to hear the news of someone’s death but it’s totally different when you see it happening right next to your place and of some one whom you have seen since you were a kid.
On 13th day, there is a ceremony that’s conducted here. Again, I got the invite but since it was happening in a temple with lots of people; I decided not to go. It was different to meet 4-5 people outside the house but in a ceremony, it’s just not possible to follow any social distancing rules. It was just so heartbreaking to not go but there wasn’t any choice.
There is just so much chaos , tension, worry and pain that’s there around the world right now. So much that even a small bit of such news makes you so much worried. And to make matters worse, I am having this irritation in my throat. I don’t know why but I did go to an ENT specialist yesterday. He has given some medicines for few days and once that course is done, I need to visit him again. I hope I shall be better by that time. Let’s see. Right now, status is “worried AF”.
Some days are just not good. Today is just one such day. A cursed day.
Today morning I got the news of a person in my neighborhood who was infected and had been undergoing treatment from last few days. But despite that he was tested negative, he went into coma and it seems, he couldn’t recover from it. Today morning, when I stepped out to buy some fruits, I got this terrible news. I am not just sad – am shattered. Hearing this was like getting hit by a god damn effing truck.
It’s said that time flies. I still remember I was a kid and was playing in the park outside my home. This neighbor’s house was getting constructed at that time. I clearly remember that day when the words “matri chhaya” (Mother’s Blessings) were being carved out in the front of the house. Most of the place was empty at that time with just a handful of houses constructed. Then his son was born who unfortunately, wasn’t mentally very strong. Then two daughters who grew up with me. Finally, his last child was another son who by god’s grace is a fine young man now, studying architecture. Daughters got married with the elder daughter blessed with two sons of her own. Other daughter is now expecting and had come to stay with her parents.
I met him for a brief moment few weeks ago. Just a casual pleasantry keeping social distancing. We did sit few months ago in a meeting together. After my dad’s death, whenever I met him, he always had treated me like his son. I remember in that meeting; food was served too. He pushed me to get some more food in my plate. When I didn’t, he himself did put some more. A fantastic person who managed to uplift his family; even took so much care of his other siblings etc. so well. And today, thanks to this effing pandemic, he won’t even be brought at his home. His body will be sent for cremation right from the hospital itself.
I don’t know what to say. Tears just came in my eyes when I heard this news. I just wish and shall pray that god gives strength to his family.
Speaking of prayers and best wishes, it’s also a day when for the 1st time in my life, I am told that I am giving “cursed blessings”.
It’s not every day when you genuinely pray for some people’s wellbeing and you hear in return that your prayers and blessings are labelled “cursed blessings”. People forget that if one has a cursed heart, he/she won’t offer blessings or prayers but will rather wish all the bad things. They fail to understand that bad/cursed people don’t wish good and safety for others. And above all, people fail to see whom they are calling cursed!
Sigh!
What an effing awful, cursed day it has turned out to be!
It’s not the best of the times for all of us. I did plan that I shall be more active on my blog since the lockdown started. But I couldn’t. Honestly, I am embarrassed over myself as I must have planned and said the same thing now for at least a few times. But in the hindsight, it’s okay that I couldn’t because there is just so much tension, worry and chaos all around us. It’s just not easy to focus your mind and write something.
So why now dude? What has changed now? Not really anything, honestly except that right now, venting out your thoughts is the best thing to do. So what’s the best thing to start with-well, a song! I haven’t listened to many songs in this time period. There hasn’t been many good songs too that has been released. Until few days ago.
Diljit Dosanjh is among those performers who has been active from a long time. Not only he has sung some really good numbers but also, he has acted in movies and his acting skills are also very good. Lately, he has released subpar songs. His latest album G.O.A.T is not really that good. In fact, I didn’t like most of the album except one particular song – Peed(pain) which is really good. When I heard it, I got this vide of old-school music.
Here is the official video of the song.
Lyrics are penned by Raj Ranjodh. Here are the lyrics in Punjabi.
Saade ishq nu darzaa mile ya na mile koi ghum nahin!
Tere dil ch thodi thaan mile ya na mile, koi ghum nahin!
Sun sonheyan teri yaad naal, ve main khed di din raat ve!
Tera ishq sir chad bolda, hun ishq saadi jaat ve!
Teri chhon de supne vekhda, gustakh dil saari raat ve!
Hanjhuan de moti kar k,
Ve main haukeyan nu lorian sikhayian!
Teri ditti peed sambahndi, ve main haseyaan naal kardi ladayian!
Ho baal leya saadi rooh ne diwa,
Aandar di watti pa!
Asan te tere naal viahe!
Saade rosse saade chaa!
Asan tere pair di jutti,
Bhaavein la sajjna bhavein paa!
Ho tere hona aayian marr jaana!
Bhaavein dil rakh lai bhavein saah!
Kade dil kare tere hon nu, modhe te sir dhar ron nu!
Bukkal teri vich saun nu, mathe ton nazzran laaun nu!
Raaj tere shehar jo gayi,
Waa nu rok k duawan ne sunayian!
Teri ditti peed sambahndi, ve main haseyaan naal kardi ladayian!
Saada haal puchh lai k aan ke, bhaavein begana jaan k!
Asin akhiri saah chhaan k, marr jaana deedan maan k!
Marr k v asin sajjna, tere mukh ton naa nazraan hataiyaan!
And here are the lyrics translated in English,
Whether my love gets any recognition or not,
There is no dejection!
Whether I get any place in your heart or not,
There is no dejection!
Hear of my handsome, your memories keep me playful days and nights!
I am smitten by your love. My ethnicity is now your love only!
This cheeky heart of mine dreams of getting touched by you!
Weaving pearls from tears,
I have made taught lullabies to my sobs!
While cherishing your pains, my fracas with happiness goes on!
My soul has lit the light,
Using entrails as wick!
I am clinging with you,
My indignations, my penchants!
I am moccasin of your feet,
Whether you wear or step out of!
Once I am yours, I shall happily die!
It’s your choice, either keep my heart or my breaths!
Sometimes, my heart yearns for sitting besides you!
To rest my head on your shoulders and cry!
To sleep hiding in your arms,
To look deep into you!
“Raj” when I visited your city,
I stopped the winds to recite my prayers!
Weaving pearls from tears,
I have made taught lullabies to my sobs!
While cherishing your pains, my fracas with happiness goes on!
Come and ask how I am doing,
Even if you consider me as a stranger!
I shall have my last breaths, once I shall get a glimpse of you!
Even after I die, I won’t take my eyes off from your face!
Most people won’t understand how deep are the lyrics. But if have listened to old songs of Punjabi music, this song will remind you of that era. Pain is the only feeling that’s shared by all the living species equally. And this song has penned it so eloquently. Hope you like this song. If you have any corrections for the translation, feel free to post in the comment section.
It’s 2AM right now when I have started writing this post. Unless you live on Mars or have been living under a rock from last few weeks, you must be knowing that we, the entire world-right now is suffering. Entire humanity is hurt, scared and worried, thanks to this new novel-coronavirus-2019. We, here in India are now in a lock down of 21 days(so far) and many other countries either has announced similar lock downs or they probably will do so soon.
I didn’t imagine that I shall write a blog post being so gloomy, worried and if I speak truly, scared. I know we all are scared. Life as we knew of, few days ago is no longer there. Will we ever get that same life back? Right now, the answer is not there for this question. The quest right now is to stay safe and most importantly stay inside our homes. For how long? I am not sure. Probably no one does. Ironically that’s all what most of the world was always wishing for wasn’t it? Every one, at least whom I used to talk about, did crib upon less sleep, long working hours, too much time wastage for commuting to work and getting back, less time available to spend with family and friends, loved ones, learn something new, to watch Netflix. Isn’t it? And guess what! In a flash, now all of us are locked in our homes, forced to do most of these things. Probably that’s why it’s said that one must be careful what he wishes for because at times, wishes do come true and some time, not in the ways we expect.
I did decide to write a day-by-day post. I still am contemplating whether I should do so or not. There is not much that’s happening so I am not sure if I shall do that. But I shall write more. And since I am in a gloomy mood and probably you too, let me make you hear a song which is depicting our current state perfectly. In fact, it’s written exactly for the situation in which the whole world is right now by Happy Raikoti who is a very renowned lyricist and also a singer himself. But this song is vocal-ed by Gippy Grewal who is among the most well known names in Punjabi music and movie industry.
This song is a prayer from the humanity and by it’s all beings to the God that’s what’s going on? Why is this world so quiet all of a sudden? Is everything okay? It’s not a song that most will like or will even understand. But it depicts the pain, frustration and helplessness of all of us, humans, animals, birds, trees, plants because we all are suffering in one way or the other. And the song ends with a request to the almighty to end this ordeal for all of us.
Song is in Punjabi. Though English subtitles are there in the video but I have still added my own(to some extent) too. Anyways,here is the song.
Here are lyrics in Punjab,
Asin pashu te panchhi bol rahe, Bhala sukh taan hai! Kyon lok kunde nai khol rahe, Bhala sukh taan hai!
Sunna sunna saaf saaf asmaan kyon hai, Chup chupeeta bhaibheet insaan kyon hai! Oh eh agg te pani nai dol rahe, Bhala sukh taan hai! Kyon lok kunde nai khol rahe, Bhala sukh taan hai!
Koi kuttian da v marreya nai, Sagon hor tateeriyan wadhian ne! Kite saadi taan nai galti koi, Sanu kosna aglian sadiyan ne! Nai gaddian waale tol rahe, Bhala sukh taan hai! Asin pashu te panchhi bol rahe, Bhala sukh taan hai!
Haan bhaavein asin azaad haan ajj, Par kuch tan khali khali hai! Koi phull mera kyon tutteya nai, Puchh rahi har daali ee! Ki phull ni mere sohal rahe, Asin boote saare bol rahe, Asin paudhe saare bol rahe, Bhala sukh taan hai!
Saadi tan mandian di waari si, Kyon kar saanu sunsaan gaye! Koi khet v viral hi aaunda e, Oye kidhar saare kisaan gaye! Kyon hun nai saanu phol rahe, Bhala sukh taan hai! Asin khet Punjab de bol rahe! Bhala sukh taan hai!
Sanu khabran nai rabba, Ki dharti utte hoya e! Par ehni chupchap jehi dekh k, Saada te dil roya e! Chahe galti lokan di te chahe galti saadi e, Par hor sahi hun jaandi nai eh peed badi hi daadhi e!
Har dukh tuun karde saaf rabba, Saadi bhull chukk karde maaf rabba! Har jaan jaan de kol rahe! Sab sukh hove! Asin dharti waale bol rahe! Sab sukh hove!
And here is the translation of the same in English.
We all birds and animals are speaking, Is everything okay? Why people are not opening their doors? Is everything okay?
Why sky is so clear and is so barren? Why mankind is so quiet and is appearing so scared? Why humans are not wasting water and burning fires? Is really everything is okay? Why people are not opening their doors? Is everything okay?
Why none of the stray dogs have died? Why suddenly there are new puppy’s running around? Is it something wrong that our breed has done? We probably shall be cursed for centuries! There are no municipality vehicles looking for us! Is everything okay? We animals and birds are asking, Is everything okay?
Yes, we are all feeling free today, But there is a some hidden emptiness everywhere! Why no one has plucked its flowers? Every branch is asking this! Are my flowers not soft anymore? We all plants are asking, We all saplings are asking, Is everything okay?
We were supposed to be in the grain markets, Why we have been abandoned? Seldom any one steps in the fields, Where did all those farmers go? Why aren’t harvesting us anymore? Is everything okay? We all farms of Punjab are asking, Is everything okay?
We may not be aware God, What actually have happened on earth! But looking at this eerie silence, Our hearts are wailing! Whether it’s a mistake committed by us or by the mankind, But we can’t bear this enormous pain anymore!
God, please take this grief away! Forgive us for all our mistakes and sins! Let everyone stay with their near and dear ones! May bliss be bestowed on this world!
I shall end by saying this please be safe and stay inside. All of us globally are struggling to stay sane, stay positive and we are all waiting for this dark phase of humanity to pass. All we can do is to have hope. Remember that we are all in this sh**t together. We are all scared, for our families, friends. Heck, for our own lives. I did tell that I am and those who know me beyond this virtual/digital world, they are aware that I have seen a lot in life and I am not easily scared. But I have no hesitation in accepting that I am. I did get sick last month and I was so scared! Is it being insane? I don’t know. But I guess it’s better be scared than being reckless. Isn’t it? I know there is no good news coming from anywhere. Still, we can all hope and pray that someone , some day is going to bring us a good news. Not just for us but for the entire human race. Till then, we need to remain strong, remain positive and keep our loved ones safe. I know I am trying my best to do so. I am sure, all of you must be doing so too. Let’s just keep on doing our bit. Hopefully, it will add up for all of us in the form of a greater good.
Once again, stay safe everyone. Be at home. Let’s try to live these hard moments with as much positivity as possible, for us, our family and friends and for the entire mankind.Remember that old phrase, Hope sustains life! I believe, it’s all what we need to keep reminding ourselves at this moment.
It’s a common thing to hear-hey you are a man, suck it up! Hey you are a man, you got to be strong-for you, for others. Hey you are a man so it’s just pretty much decided that you can’t cry. Why, well you just can’t cos that’s how the society works. In this society/world/time, if you are a woman and you cry, it’s okay cos women feel, women have emotions, women are sensitive. But for a man, tears are the signs of being weak, loser or worse, tears of a guy are just labelled as fake. If you are a guy and you are spotted crying, among any of these mentioned acronyms you may hear and that’s how the society goes. Or so it’s said.
But is it? Can’t one be a manly-man, an alpha male and yet can cry? Or doing so makes him less of a man?
I don’t know.
But I posted this on a website couple of years ago. You can’t read it there since it’s marked as private by me but I saw something today that I reminded me of this stigma related to men again. And that’s why I decided to post my reply here. If anyone will think that this dude has just made all this , feel free to commend and I shall email you the link of my posted (and hidden) reply.
It takes a lot to make a man cry. It takes even more to hide those tears. Some times, all what a guy is want to do (and does) is to sit in a corner of his room , fold his legs so that he can hide his face in knees and cry-silentely. Some time, we hide our tears to portray that “strong hearted” feeling for those who rely upon us. We must not cry cos if we would, there won’t be anyone who can console those loved ones. In 2011, it was still few days to Diwali and I was at Banglore. I spoke with my dad and mom in the evening at 6pm while taking a walk and came back to my hotel . At 11pm, my mom called . She was crying so much, screaming over the phone,”Papa is no more! Your daddy is no more!” . I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. You know , it’s very different to go to a funeral and tell to someone , have courage. It’s not not so easy when it happens in one’s own family. I just asked my mom to put the phone down and called two of my friends. I knew that dad must have got cardiac arrest cos he was perfectly fine health wise. My friends came to home immediately and and took my dad to hospital. That 45 minute time period was something in which I dont know how many things I had thought. I have seen so much in life but I never had imagined that I shall see this day and that just when I am 30. I was just holding my mobile so so close to my chest and I was praying so hard that I won’t get to hear that my dad is no more . But I had to. My friend called me and told that doctor has told that my dad has passed away even before he could be brought to hospital. I was standing on the settee which I had in my hotel room. I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry so loudly but you know, there were no tears. I called my manager cos I was working. He is not just a manager but a very good friend. When I called him and told him , I just broke down. I was jus crying and saying and to him over the phone,”papa chale gaye, main ab kya karunga. papa chale gaye!(Papa has gone, what will I do now. Papa has gone)” .And he couldn’t say anything. No one can. I booked the car and came out from the hotel and started for the airport. I had my flight from Banglore-Mumbai-Chandigarh and then I had to take a cab from Chandigarh.
While I was in the car, I got a call from a relative. He said, ” your mom is just inconsolable . I know it’shard but you don’t cry when you are in front of them. There is no one left for them except you” . I said, I promise I won’t cry in front of them. From that time, till the airport, I was talking to my mom all the time. My friends had told to my mom that dad is still admitted cos my mom is a heart patient. Every time she would tell me, Son come home soon and go to the hospital ,your dad is alone there. And I was just telling her this damn lie again and again, yes maa, dad is fine. I am going to get him back and I would cut the phone cos I didn’t want her to hear me crying. I would again call after few minutes, tell her that there is some network issue. And I kept on doing this till I didn’t catch the flight. When I reached Chandigarh, I got a cab and when I entered in the cab, I got call form my friend who took dad to hospital that they have told to mom now and she has gone berserk. Come soon , as soon as you can and we have to bring your dad’s body too from the hospital. I just put the phone down and driver asked me what happened sir. I just broke down and said my dad is no more. He tried to console me and for the first time, in so many years of traveling, I was just wishing that this travel of 1.5 hours won’t end. But it had to and when I reached home, first thing that happened that my friend hugged me so tight. I didn’t say anything and just hugged him back , entered in the living room and my mom was just crying so much. I told her, don’t cry, I am here ! And I don’t know you would believe me or not, I didn’t cry . I didn’t shed a tear. I had to go to the hospital to collect my dad’s body. I just huggged him so tightly and trust me-I wished so hard for a miracle that he would get up and hug me back. When I had to perform the last rituals of my dad, one teacher came of mine and hugged me and said, don’t worry, everything will be fine. I just could say, I am so unfortunate-I can’t even cry too! And I didn’t cry, I didn’t , even for a moment.
It’s been 4 years and I don’t talk about my dad with anyone- I don’t say a single word. I have heard some people saying behind my back and some even to me right on my face that I am a stone-hearted person. That my dad’s death has not even effected me. But you know what-I cry every single time I see any father being with his son! I was at a function where I jsut sat in a corner.I saw a gentleman who called the waiter and got for him and for his son two cups of tea. I had tears flowing down my eyes and I just wiped them. He would always come and drop me to the station. For the first time, when I boarded the train all alone, wihtout being able to touch his feet and gettig a tight hug from him, only I know how I felt and I feel just the same in every single time. I won’t ever hear him calling my name again. He would call me “Yaar” (Buddy) , My ears yearn to hear it just one more time but it would never happen , even if I am ready to give anything in return. I had wished that I shall take my dad and mom to a five star hotel cos they never had beento one at Diwali. I would never be able to do that now and you know what, it hurts me every single day of my life. After two years of his death, I got the two books which I authored delivered to my home. When he was alive , I finished one but it never did arrive cos of logistic issues. My dad told to every single friend of his that my son authored a book and how proud he was. But I won’t ever see him holding those books in his hands. He worked all his life so hard and never did own a car. Now, when I have one, I never would be able to see him sitting beside me. And no one, no one knows how much it pains me , how so very much it pains me every single day and will hurt me till the time I shall be alive. That feeling that I don’t have my dad now with me to do all this and many such more things, big or small, they make me cry just every single day but I try my best that no one would see my tears. I promised I won’t ever cry in front of my mom and sis and that god is my witness-I haven’t. I haven’t cried not even once in front of them and as a matter of fact, in front of anyone. Don’t I miss my dad? I wish I could find words to tell how much but I don’t know any. I wish I can tell how cursed I feel! Those people who said all that, they don’t even have an iota of the idea about the pain and also ofthis that how it feels when you want to cry so much but you can’t cos you know , all are looking upon you as a symbol of strength. But that burden of being strong or appearing strong is just too much to carry.
About girls, you know what-if you ever see a guy crying for a girl, go and tell her that no one and I mean it-NO ONE in this whole world wouldlove her more than that guy ever! But if one day, you find him crying sitting in his room with music playing on full volume and him siting with his face hidden in his hands and crying without making any sound, please do believe that he is just shattered -completely. Tears wont even come close to express the pain , believe me.
We guys are not stone hearted. We have the heart and we also have emotions, feelings -just like women. But we are supposed to stay strong-for that woman , for our family-whom we love and care so much and many times and doing that-we learn how to hide our tears from being seen. You may not see a guy crying but if you do spot one, don’t just walk away thinking that he is a guy, he would be fine or worse, make a fun of him that how can a guy cry. You may never know, something somewhere so deep must have hurt him either in love or in life or if he is really unfortunate, at both fronts and he has wounds over his heart and soul which won’t ever heal and those tears are the reminiscences of those endless pains.
There is a lot that I can and want to say but now, I have these damn eyes filled with the effing tears-yet again.
So what made me bring it out? These.
I am not going to say that crying of girls is right/wrong/overrated/underrated/whatever. I shall just say this-happiness, sadness, smiles, cries etc. etc. are just emotions and are not copyrighted by any gender whatsoever. If one feels an emotion and it shows on your face, it makes you nothing but an emotional person-whether you are a guy or a girl, it’s immaterial. It’s a depiction of that emotion and labeling it as a sign of weakness for one gender is just as cruel to do for that gender as it’s to make someone cry.
I am currently sitting in my hotel’s room. It’s Sunday on the verge of its end and that’s the only day that I got in this week as free. I was working yesterday. Of course, it’s just not a good feeling to work on a Saturday morning. But you have to do what you have to do. And since it wasn’t just me but the participants as well were with me, so just me complaining doesn’t sound right. Good thing is that work did go well and the session got concluded on a good note.
I didn’t do anything really adventerous today. I was expecting a work related call in the morning so I did wake up early(despite that it was Sunday) but that call didn’t happen today. I kind of expected that but then, I didn’t want that I am just sleeping and will miss the call. So I was ready for the call at the scheduled time. After I didn’t see any notification for it, I decided to have breakfast, which was downstairs in the hotel’s restaurant. After finishing with it, I came back to my room and did prepare for tomorrow’s session. It’s going to be a tough session and it’s a rerun session. In simple terms, a rerun session is an already messed up session and now it has come to my lap. Of course, it’s not going to be easy but I shall try my best and for this reason, I did spend almost 4 hours to prepare for tomorrow. After that, I was so tired so I decided to have a cup of coffee and grab something to eat. I did eat a quick snack at a nearby place and had coffee from an adjoining cafe. Both snack and coffee were just okay. After that it was back to the room. I did do a re-read of some stuff again before having dinner. Now, dinner is done and I am back in my room. Let’s see how tomorrow’s session will go.
Though it’s session which I am really concerned about but there is one more thing that is really bugging me and that’s my neck. I am not sure how but I have hurt my neck-rear side of it. I am currently having a towel wrapped around my neck after I had applied an ointment over it. I went to a nearby pharmacy and the person over there did give me a muscle relaxant. I picked up a calcitonin nasal spray as well. Let’s see if the medicine does its work or not. I am just being so mad right now cos it’s just one thing after the other that comes and hits me and the trend doesn’t seem to end.
It’s time to swtich off the machine. Praying and waiting to see that Monday will be kind. Let’s see.
I am right now sitting at the same dreaded airport of Banglore. I have finished my work here. Though the session otherwise did go well but I did see a similar thing happen that occured last week as well. And just like the last week, I am absolutely pissed off right now. I just don’t understand that some time, people have what kind of demands set in their minds when they come to attend a training session? It’s a training session and there is a reason it’s called ‘training’ and not ‘real world’ or ‘production experience’ or whatever the heck jargons people throw to show that they are doing some reall smart arse work which we, mere mortal instructors, are not aware of. So just like last week, two people did mention that they were unsure about couple of things that I said. Well, it did seem like that out of 16, 14 did see very well what I said, how I said and it was on point but just two failed to do so for some reason or reasons betters known to them only. But it just didn’t sync with me. Yes, I am doing this work from a very very long time and I must not be too worried. But that’s just not me and my nature is. Such things do impact me;for however small duration it may be. Anyways, thanks to all who did come for the session and I do hope that it was productive and useful. Few did take pictures with me and that’s always very humbling for me. That’s the kind of moments which keep me pumped up and letting me continue do what I do and love to do, despite the hiccups that I did see in these two weeks.
Other than this, things were okay. I do have stiff back and hip which am trying to get sorted out. But I need to get back and do something about it. I did apply an ointment and it did something but I am not sure that I am still hundred percent.
Flight is going to be in another 2 hours and I just had a coffee and a slice of cake. I have been traveling now for almost 7 weeks straight and I must say, it’s taking a little toll over me. I am feeling like a jombie right now. And with the whole night travel ahead, by the time morning comes, probably I shall turn into a full fledged zombie. May be another cup of coffee will help!
It’s been a long time since I have posted anything. Actually, it’s been years I believe. And if you are going to ask that why did I stop, truly speaking-I don’t know. I just did. Anyways, here I am starting again and hopefully, I shall be not stopping this time. At least, not any time soon. Fingers crossed!
And probably, like a crude joke, I am starting to write again on a day which I hate so much thanks to the worst memory associated with and like a bad joke over me, I am at that very place which is very much a part of that memory. Something that always gives me shivers and haunts whenever I think about it. And I do think about it every single time, especially when I step-in at this place.
Some time, on a particular day, just about everything, probably the whole day turns out to be a series of unhappy moments, and start hitting you one after the other. For me, today was just that day; starting from the commute from my guest house to the venue.
I took an auto rickshaw (tuk-tuk) which is probably a very safe ride. But just like that, out of all the days, today my auto-rickshaw got hit from the rear side by a car. Luckily, we were halting on a signal. So all what happened that driver and I both were pushed to the front of the auto-rickshaw and he crashed with the front glass and I hit the safety railing that’s in front of the seat. Luckily, besides getting a feeling like someone punched on the sternum with a baseball bat, I was otherwise okay. Driver of the car was talking over the phone and couldn’t stop his car on time. There was no use to argue with him since the only thing that happens in such a case is that the other person apologizes hundres of times which serves no purpose whatsover. So that’s how the day started.
You probably must be wondering what’s so wrong with the day about which I am cribbing about so much. And the answer of this is that today was my father’s shradth. For those who don’t know what it means, it’s a day in Hindu mythology when you offer prayers for your parent(s) who have passed away. For me, for my dad, it was today. And to make matter even worse, I am in the same damn city where I got the news of his death. Not sure what can I say more but it’s just not the series of co-incidents that I would had liked to happen at all. Since I am traveling, I woke up early and went to a temple near by my guesthouse, told the priest over there and he gladly performed the prayers for me. I couldn’t do much but whatever little I could do, I did. So yeah, that’s how my day started.
I did think that over the work front, things would be fine but probably, like always- I assumed a little too early.
Usually I don’t crib about my work since almost all the time, I put all what I have in my work and I love what I do. It’s stressful beyond words and takes a lot of skills, on both technical and personal aspects to pull the things off successfully. And I don’t leave anything inside me when it comes to work-come what may. And despite all the thoughts in my mind, I did finish my work today also with giving all what I had to give for it. Yes, I was probably visibly off and it was even pointed by one of my friends who was an attendee in this session. Probably I couldn’t conceal my inner turmoils like I am able to often cos I was asked why I looked so lost today! Anyways, I did finish the work but probably the worst thing for me on the work-front today was that two of the participants gave the worst rating in the evaluation scores. Now, I don’t really need to worry too much about them since 13 more added an excellent rating with really good comments as well. But me being me, their act just filled me with so much of bitterness and I am just not able to swallow it. I won’t go and say that I am the best in my work but I shall definitely say this, what I do and how I do it, I am not someone who can be rated with the most negative ratings available in the score sheet. And if one is giving me such rating, I have to know the reason for that as well since in the same session, 13 more people were really very appreciative about my work and about me. That was probably the last blow for me the day and yes, I must say it did hurt more than that damn sternum hit of the morning. I do have an idea who did that but then again, neither I could ask them upfront about it nor such questioning would have served any purpose since it’s already on-record now. I just have to suck it up and move on.
I did reach here at the airport and had a cup of black coffee. I wanted to sit down at the lounge but the access will be given after half an hour(I reached very early before my scheduled departure time). So I am right now sitting at this coffee shop PuroGusto and waiting for the lounge to be available for me. It will be long wait to board my flight, which is scheduled to departure in about 3.5 hours from now. Most of the times, I am not much thoughtful about the waiting periods at the airports but today, it’s certainly not helping to be at a place( airport or anywhere as a matter of the fact) which is engraved in the mind with the worst memories of my life. I am not sure what I can mention about what I am going through right now. It’s just like it happened just the other day when I reached at this very airport at 2AM with tears in my eyes and started for a very long travel back to home. I don’t really mention about that day often but when you are sitting at the very same place, it’s just inevitable to block those haunting memories. The only solace is that I shall be at home;though not for long. But whatever little time it may be, it’s invaluable.
It’s been a while since I have mentioned any song. I have few that I would translate and post, hopefully soon. But today, one song has made me post its translation cos not only the song’s lyrics are so deep and touching but even the video of the same, is just so emotional.
The song’s title is Yadaan and is sung by the singer, Benny Dhaliwal. TBH, I don’t really like his songs much as most of his songs are most appropriate for getting played in clubs. Music or I should say, lots of beats, in his songs take precedence over the lyrics and even lyrics are, at the best just okay. But in this song-Yadaan, almost everything has been right on the mark. And the first and foremost highlight are the lyrics of this song. RipJeet is the lyricist of this song. Music of this song is given by Beat Minister. Benny has sung this song with lots of emotions embedded in his voice. The video, I believe, is picturised as a childhood story of Benny which I am not sure whether is true or not. But nonetheless, when you are going to watch the video and hear the song playing along with it, it’s inevitable that you won’t have tears in yours eyes.
Here is the official video of the song. It’s dedicated to a later British-Indian wrestler Jeet Singh Chatha.
The song is in Punjabi. Here are the lyrics of the same in Punjabi first,
Haye kade na rukiyan eh jandian lehran, Dhall hi gayian ethe sikhar dopehran! Patjhad agge godde tek te baagan! Tur jana jindriye chhadd ke yaadan!
Tur gaye khidari jindagi to harr ke!(X2) Mukk gaye gavaiyye mann sab da bhar ke!(X2) Muk gayi ameeri, saath chhaddne saajan! Tur jana jindriye chhadd k yaadan!(X3)
Ethon tur gaye raaje, tur gaye raanjhe heeran!(X2) Eh dharat waderi, baki sabh leeraan!(X2) Othe honge lekhe change maade bhaagan! Tur jana jindriye chhadd k yaadan!(X3)
Tuun mann di Sandhua, rakh chadar chitti! RipJeet v teri aukaat hai mitti! Jad tur gaya Benny, fer rona raagan! Tur jana jindriye chhadd k yaadan!(X3)
Chhadd ke yaadan!(X2)
Here is the translation of the song in English,
Never it is possible to stop the departing waves! Even the scorching afternoons would descend! Orchards have knelled down in front of autumn! Soul would depart leaving just memories!
Players have fled after losing to the life!(X2) Artists have demised after entertaining the world!(X2) Affluence has vanished, Orchestra would stop being a companion! Soul would depart leaving just memories(X3)
Kings got extincted from earth and so did the lovers!(X2) This earth is foremost, rest everything is lowly!(X2) In the court of God, justice would be served for being good or bad! Soul would depart leaving just memories(X3)
Sandhu, you just keep the slate of your conscience clear! RipJeet, you have no standing! When Benny would scram, ragas would shed tears! Soul would depart leaving just memories(X3)
I am not sure what else I can add to this song. Just would say that those who leave their loved ones and go to God, not sure whether they look down or not. But those who are left on this earth, for them, every passing moment brings just tears when all they wish for, is to see that person, even just for a moment would sufice but irrespective of how hard they would wish, their pray would remain unanswered. We all have to go one day-a statement which is very easy to make in an attempt to console someone but doesn’t help much.
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