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Upset, Sad, Traveling…. February 5, 2011

Posted by Aman.... in Random Stuff.
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At times, you read some thing which just explains what you even can’t express in words. Somewhat same happened with me as well today. I have just got back home. Where I was? I was sitting somewhere alone thinking so many things with eyes wet. While sitting there, I got a text from a friend of mine and that’s just summed up not just today but the last almost one week of mine. I decided that when I shall be back, I shall put it here with it’s translation in English. Here is the original version in Hindi,

Aaj udaas hoon to kisi ne aawaz bhi na di Faraaz,

Ye matti ke putley kyon kisi se wafa nahin karte!

 

And it’s translation in English,

Today when I am so sad, no one even called me for a moment too,

Not sure why these statues don’t love anyone!

I am not in a state of mind to say anything. I took leave for something and I shall be back on roads tomorrow traveling but this time,I shall be ensuring that I am not coming back home soon. The program that I am going to undertake is very tough and I haven’t studied about it at all in this entire week. Not sure what is going to happen in it as well. Hope I survive somehow, not sure though.

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1. dillinger - February 14, 2011

Man. Do not let that melancholy to have you. It is not real. I mean it is not a real feeling. It is behind your soul and probably will stay there until you get settled by an important change. I know that everything is far away from you at the moment. I know you want to be alone in an empty, but a beautiful land. But there is no such a land in earth. You may need a lifebook for repeating yourself, again to your own mind every day. Because at the end of a day you find yourself scattered to pieces that you can not collect. This has been always a challenge for an Aq. man: You want to have peace but you do not know where to find it. Do not deal with it. Let your life goes with the people and environment around you. And never try addictions, good to see that you have already chosen traveling for curing yourself. Cheers. dil.

Aman Sharma - February 19, 2011

Dillinger,

I am not sure that how you could do but you have sketched exactly what I am feeling right now! I really wish that I had not born as an Aq man at times despite of all the good(extra-ordinary) things this sign possesses. I shall try to follow your advice and also do something what I have decided for me, hope it settles some bit of this pain, may be not sooner but after a while!

Thanks so much for so kind words!

Aman….

dillinger - February 21, 2011

So you already discovered the Aquarian curse long time ago. A colour; a music; a scene or a picture; gaze of a lady who is totally unknown to you; smell of places such as of soil after raining or of an airport waiting lounge; adoring traveling because you do not feel related to a specific home, dreaming for a place so much, even if only known by a single picture; and when you sleep: dreams, dreams, always dreams, colourful and deep, clear dreams. You think that there are more meanings on these separate images and feelings, but you never find them. One day you wake up with full passion for the earth, the other day you want to be all alone in a small room. Sometimes you want to cease your brain, maybe only for a moment, but you have never achieved it until now, most probably you will never do in the future. You got a sense that you will have a great life but you also feel there is always something missing. I know my friend.

I do not know the reason, but for some rare moments and scenes I am sure the peace I feel was so real, I can even touched it. Other people can say that it is normal because most of the persons feel the same within the scenes like them. No, I mean it is not one of the 1000 feelings I have, it is at the top 10.

The girls loved me told this: sometimes they were scared of my love because I was so close to them, for me it was hard to see the other things around, like in none’s place. But also, sometimes I was full apart and trying to save my space, especially after daily or shallow conversations. I can not blame them, they were feeling full possession but it was not like usual so they were a little bit scared. Waking up in a sunday morning and spending 4 hours just by wrapping, touching and kissing a girl min bed, then next morning leaving her alone in the room for an escape.

I think that I came to my life somehow late. I should have been in 17th or 18th century. So I can travel around and discover so many things, there are still virgin places to see and understand; and there are so many different people and cultures to meet. I can recommend you to watch one movie: “Thin Red Line”. The scenes and dialogues are beyond any talk for me.

I know that people’s echoes push you to feel “special”. I do not know typical Aquarians are special or not. But I am sure about one thing: This is not good for us. It leads to a social trap, then we can be marginalised and more worst of it: we can love it. We are trying to touch the ground, the soil, the last thing we need is this approach. Of course one thing is true: when my friends talk about shallow things and are in curiosity for an unimportant stuff, I say this: “why you are not in curiosity for the movement of stars or the unknown things in nature, but for that”.

For an Aquarian it is not so hard, because there is always a personal ideal for them. Maybe you like that word: “ignorance is bliss”. Forget it, it is another trap created by your brain as a self defense mechanism. You would never get it; it is a squeezed toothpaste, no turning back. I observed that some Aquarians have addictions for alcohol or other stuff. The main reason is this, and in fact they go worst instead of rehabilitating themselves. They are all false paths.

You are aware that work is an important thing for an Aq. Because its success can launch good things that were desired. Its value or ranking in your considerations is not the point. But it can facilitate your life. My other recommendation is: do not waste your time with less important things. From my living experience I discovered that the enourmous sense of responsibility can put you in a situation I mentioned. I spent 8 hours for the homework of a friend of mine’s child in the past and it was a handwork. I thought that I said “yes I do” and I should have done my best. In fact the kid got 15/10 (additionary 5 was spared for the next hw) but it took extra 7 hours from my life and concentration, as a single hour was sufficient to pass. There are many other examples in my life, most of them for more serious adult cases, but logic is same.

You and your personality could be different in a mood. Take the other’s gearing and ride it for your goals. It is a gift, but a curse at the moment. Of course the first one is the objective instead of the latter.

PS. I never saw you or your environment, but with my guess: gather your stuff in workplace. Your messy living room is ok but when at work it can hinder your career 🙂

PS2. you are an Aq. So you know that I will be disappeared in the close future. But when you feel blue, please do not hesitate to send an e-mail me.

PS3. Computer softwares; man, they match your brain and you are natural born ready to create new ones.

Cheers

dil.


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