Aman’s Blog….ANYTHING goes here!

I just read this awesome piece of poetry over my friend, Amardeep’s poetry blog and within an instant , it striked me so much deep inside. If you have been in love and lost it, got hurt by it, you would understand the heat hidden in these words. Have a read it,

Its tough,just so much tough to elaborate pain.If one is happy,there are millions of ways to express that happiness.  But when one is sad,despite the wish to express it in words,it never happens.”I am so much happy” is enough to express the happiness but “I am so much sad” can never reflect the deepness of that pain which lies underneath these words.  And when that pain is caused by, given by none other than that person whom you love the most, there is nothing in this eternity which can truly express it. People seem to believe that all the wounds get healed with the passage of time.  But they forget that the wounds may get healed but their signs never fade. Those memories are worst than the wounds even which make one get up in the nights and bring tears.
Love is not something which can be done just like that.  It takes a lot to be in it, it takes a lot to walk over that road which may lead you to your beloved. People, when fall in love, tend to think that everything would be good only in it. Yes love is indeed the best thing in this world but it takes away everything of yours.  Only those who are ready to pay that price, receive the gift of their beloved in the end.  Those who fail to do so,just make their beloved wait at the seashores waiting for their beloved ones to come who would never return.
People always talk about giving away their lives when they fall in love. Why to promise that thing which one never would be able to do so?And why to promise that which would give no benefit at all.Its easy, just easy to promise that I shall die for you but its not that easy to do so.And besides that, dying is not going to help your beloved ever. What is really tough to do is to stay with your beloved. Stand beside him/her when he/she needs you. When the bad times come, it is said that our own shadow also leaves us.That’s the time to stand aside with our beloved and take those pains with them.Its so easy to say that everything would be fine.  Unfortunately,it doesn’t just happen that easily.  And at that time,when there is nothing good happening,if one would stand beside his/her beloved,he/she would give him much more happiness than dying for him.  In love,there is one thing which must never be done and that is doing a back off.  If one didn’t have the guts to stand with his/her love than he/she must had never fallen in love either. At times, doing something is not as important as staying aside. But if at that time, one gets scared from the consequences, one gets afraid about his/her prestige than even if they would die, that means nothing.  It was just a selfish act which was done to save you from all those worries,troubles which now , your beloved has to bear alone.  If one really wants to do some thing for his love than he/she must never his/her hand in between of that sea of fire which they promised to swim across together. Nothing hurts more to see that those only have left you in midway who promised to stood beside you in every moment and time.How many tears one can shed,how much one can cry? There comes a time when one wants to cry but tears don’t come out from the eyes.One want to tell his pain but no words come out to support that. Pieces of that broken heart much more than anything else. One must slay some one in thousand pieces than breaking his/her heart.
Here are the lines which depict the pain of that lover who got his heart broken from his love only. They are in Punjabi.I shall explain their meaning in English in a while,
Kade kol aa gaye kade door ho gaye,
Ohna ikk waar na mud k takkeya sanu,
Par assi ohde layi bewaffa zaroor ho gaye!
Ki galti hoyi saathon assin eho bas puchhde rahe,
Oh kehnde assi majboor ho gaye!
Asin mangde rahe duavan usdi khushi diyaan,
Oh chhad sanu kisi hor diyan akhan de nooor ho gaye!
Oh sochde rahe khush haan asin,
Koi dasso ohna nu kiven assi tutt ke choor ho gaye,
Sanu te mili pyaar karan di ehh saza,
Te ohh maarr ke vi sanu,bekasooor mashoor ho gaye!

And here is its meaning in English,
At time she hugged me,at times she left me alone!
She never even turned back and looked at me for a moment!
But she did declare me a cheater in love!
All that I asked was that tell me what my fault is,
And she said I am helpless!

She think that I am so much happy,
Please some one go and tell her that I am completely broken!
I got this punishment of falling in love,
And despite killing me like this, she is declared innocent!
I shall conclude by saying this only that if you think that you are in love,get your self ready to leave all what else you love.There can’t be so many wishes that can become true when one is in love. God gives love on the cost of all those other wishes.Only if you are ready to pay this price,only if you are ready to give up every smile of yours for the sake of someone else’s smiles, only when you are ready to lose everything and still feel contended than fall in love. Its not a game, its not fun.There is some one whose only wish is you,only support is you,entire strength is you. Don’t even in dreams hurt him/her by breaking his/her heart as there is no remedy for broken hearts anywhere in this world. Life becomes an endless punishment and death too enjoys the pain over the fate of those unlucky souls who were left by their love by not coming and releasing them from this punishment. Remember,not everything is calmed by time,words,by anyone else.Only that person knows how tough is to answer those eyes who never ask anything but still question.Only that person knows how tough is to smile when his heart cries with every breath.If you are not capable to take away pains of your love, not determined enough to stand beside him/her when he/she needs you,feel scared from the world, feel ashamed to disclose your love, think once again about what you are doing?If you are doing all this and still say that you are in love and can do anything in this world for your love, I suggest you better sit and think once again that are you really in love?

Yeah yeah it does sound that I went for years but no, that’s not the case. I am back from my program and I am back with smiles over my face which is only because the audience was smiling. I must say, it was second time when I met a very good audience, a perfect blend of right people for the right kind of module. Though there were some who stood apart from everyone else but still, I can’t say who was better than the other as all were equally good. I love to get questions and its better when they are tough and I was lucky enough that I got very good ones. One question is still pending to be answered. Though I did give the answer with my little knowledge but I am not convinced and I am sure, neither would be that guy who asked it. I am still searching for the “under-the-hood” answer of it. I have got some leads, hope I shall get the entire puzzle set straight soon. Over all, it was a program worth remembering. Guys were really good and they gave really good comments about which I am not really capable. They did say some things which were really extraordinary and I was speechless as I don’t see myself worthy enough for that. But still, all I can say is a heartiest thanks to all of them for all of their kind words,respect and friendliness. I had a great time being with all of them and I hope that I didn’t bore them much either .

I went to Banglore after a LONG time. It was more than a year back since the last time when I visited there. When I visited Banglore last time, I knew barely few people. But thanks to God, I came to know some very good people( just like this one). Out of those, I met one this time and we spent couple of hours together for two days. Its always great to be at that place where you know that there is some one over there who would be really happy to see you and I experienced the same in Banglore this time.

Finally, I am back home today. Very few people know that I didn’t want to go for this program because of lots of ups and downs which are going at home. But I had to go because I was told that there is no other choice and alternatives available. I am glad that I did go for it but now I am back and I have to take care about the things which are happening here. I am just praying to that god that show me he is really some where and  make things fine asap. I just hope that he is listening to my prayers, I really do.

 

TokBox is an excellent application. I had a profile over it but I didn’t record any video post. TokBox allows one to create public posts which all can see. I have recorded one today and here it is,

If you think that I am not looking so good, its the camera and if you think that my voice is scary,its the microphone .

 

We have brought dad back home today. I guess I didn’t mention it before but both my dad and younger sister met with a very severe road accident. Some stupid arse gal hit them and ran away. Even though when people contacted her, she just jerked her hands off saying that she hasn’t done anything. I am always against letting gals drive any damn thing because they have no idea about at all whatsoever about it and they do know it in and out, how to put the blame of their mistakes on others. If you think its a biased opinion, well I can’t do anything in it, sorry. Its there and its going to be there now. There are lots of things which are going to be biased now from me as this world is not letting me stay the way I am. I would just mention that though, we are at home, it doesn’t mean everything has gone fine. Dad has undergone two major surgeries and will be on bed for 2 months, surviving only on liquid diet. The same is there for my sister who has got sever internal injuries on her legs and back.

While we were at hospital, there were a lot of people who put a lot of impressions over me. Some have gone very high in the respect and some have hurt me beyond words can explain. I had lots of beliefs over lots of people, always thought that they at least would remember how I was/am with them? I didn’t expect them to do anything exceptional for me and my family. I have stopped doing that, there is no use of expecting this. People fail to give common things, talk about keeping promises , its highly unlikely to expect anything special from them. But still, I had thought that there would be some emotional support at least that they could give to me. Some have given much more than that. Some didn’t get time to do that even as they were busy in lots of stuff of their own which was much more important than calling some one and asking him how his sick father and sister are doing? They might have thought that I would ask them to do some thing which would waste their time and the safest bet is to stay quite. Its okay. I know everyone is busy in lots of things, exams, job, meetings and certainly this all is much more important. But I am not sure, still while doing all this, people breathe,eat , sleep , heck they must not be working all the damn 24 hours. I haven’t met anyone so far and just for the record, I myself do ALOT of things which includes, traveling, reading, working, writing, managing a user group and not to forget that I do sleep,eat, breathe too, have a family with whom I spend time too. So I don’t understand that how its so difficult to even ask some one how is everything? I don’t think it will take hours and waste a lot of time. some of you might say that one must not expect anything. Well, just to tell you that we never expect anything from strangers, we don’t give a damn about them. We expect only from those whom we consider a part of our family. So please don’t give that logic which is totally flawed. But may be, I guess , now a days, what’s most important is what you do, your own work and not anything and anyone else.

That was about some others who are busy enough and don’t even had a minute. There were few who worked for 13 hours a days, still came and spent nights in the hospital with me. They made me sleep for few minutes but they themselves didn’t close eyes for a minute even and took care of dad and gunjan. I know how tough is to stand for 12/13 hours and work as I myself do that. So its a big thing that despite doing that, they came by themselves and did all that for me. Just for the record again, they were only two in number, two guys who took care of dad in some ways more better than myself even. I have no words with to thank them and I know , they would never come and read this too. But, they have done that for me which is really tough to do and no one does that for anyone just like that. I know this as I have done the same for almost all of my people. I know how tough it is to actually go and do some thing rather than just singing, call us when you need some help. Everyone is busy, everyone has got tons of things to do. But when there is some one closer to you in need of a support, one needs to put aside some things because those things may wait but that time, when that person is looking for your support, both mentally and physically , that time won’t come back and it hurts, it really does to see those failing to do it from whom you had expected the most!

 

I am writing this from my pda which I bought few days back but couldn’t get time to write about it yet. This probably is among the worst times that me and my family have ever undergone. I never felt so sad, upset and helpless as I am feeling now. In the same time, I am so much pist of over few people and out of words for saying thanks to some few who didn’t bother that its day or night and have stood along with us at this time. There is a huge difference between just saying things and actually doing some thing for some one and  I have seen both at this point of time. I won’t say anything at this point of time as its not the right moment but its mandatory to mention that some have gone so much high in my eyes and some have hurt me beyond words. Still, all I want is that this phase must be over asap and everything gets fine. If that god is out there anywhere, its high time for him to show his presence.

I am back today about 2 hours ago early in the morning. I am not sure what else to say that this is the worst time for my family and me as there is a very severe happening happened with my dad and younger sister. My bad luck was that I couldn’t come when it did happen, I just got back and in two hours, I shall be rushing towards hospital. I don’t know yet what would happen as things are still in not clear and situation is really bad.

In this so much hard time, as much I am worried and tense, like the same I have two another feelings. One, of great relief and happiness to see that there are few people around me who have gone beyond limits and stood besides my family in this so much crucial time. Manjeet, Kavita, Sunil, Mansi , these all have given their full support in each and every thing, making sure that even when I was not there, nothing would had got effected. I never liked saying thanks and listening sorry, both are just very small acts, But I guess at times, one needs to say these words too and especially when there is nothing else which can match to what one really wants to say. I know it would sound so small but still, thanks all for everything what you have done and are still doing because the trauma is not over yet. Many many millions  thanks to all of you!

As much I am sounding happy, there is another feeling of sadness and pain as well in the heart  There are some people whom I thought would stand with me all the time, irrespective of time, situation. But it did hurt so much to see that few whom I expected to at least be a moral support , came up saying that they are very busy. Not sure that how one becomes busy for those who loves really and truly! I don’t know the answer of my question  but yes, at this moment, I am so much hurt and upset!

Yes ,I am leaving tomorrow. It will be a long and grueling travel and on top of that, I am going to handle some of the toughest modules and people. Let’s see what happens? I am really not in a mood to go but I have to. Hope everything goes fine. Wish me luck guys and pray for me.

I have not been able to sit and write from past few days. There were couple of reasons for it. Despite that I have quite a few things to talk about, I don’t have time to do it at the moment as I shall be leaving tomorrow. Still, there are few things about which I would surely write about in forthcoming posts. At present, these are some random things which are not necessarily related to each other.

Last few days have been very uneasy. I can’t say that they were very busy or hectic as I am at home. But yes there are lots of issues on the personal side. I have been moving to the hospital daily. Its not me who is sick but in the family. I have to leave in between and go tomorrow. I just hope that everything goes fine.

It was festival season ( and still there will be festivals coming along) so there was a huge amount of hustle and bustle which was there. I went with my sister for some shopping. She wanted to buy some clothes, we also bought few gifts for distribution. It was for the first time that she and me bought something. Mom was really happy from this and looking her happy, I was so much happy too. It was a huge satisfaction for me.

My friend Jagjit came down to attend the marriage of his cousin brother. He called me few days back to come and see him. I haven’t seen him from so long. Last, it was about almost 2 years back. Jagjit had to do some shopping for the marriage. So he wanted me to come and help him in choosing the stuff. We spent almost 5 hours doing lots of movement in-out of the malls. We both are very fussy customers and its not easy that we are going to select some thing.  He had to buy shoes, a neck tie, shirts and suit lengths. We spent so much time looking for all this. Finally , we were able to select the right stuff, which we liked. We didn’t get much time to sit and talk. We did sit still though for about 30 minutes. He asked me a lot about what’s going on and so  did I. He asked me about some thing which he knew happened few months back. We didn’t get much time to talk about it because he had to leave early. It was so good to see him. It was so good to see that there are still a few people, who are really mine and for some, I do mean a lot.

From last few months, me and my friend Amardeep are working on a concept. It was my brainchild and  I shared my thought with him. That brainchild of mine is now of both of us. We are working very hard to make it come true. We spent last few days sitting till late nights working over it. Its still not complete. There is a lot of work to do about it yet. I need to travel and that’s what is the biggest hurdle for us as I don’t get net access at times when I am traveling. This is going to be one of the most ambitious thoughts of mine so far. I just hope that it would be worth of our efforts. I won’t be able to talk about it at the moment. It would be too early at this moment, I apologize for it. But yes, as soon as we are ready, I would mention about it in detail here.

Last but certainly not the least, I am so much upset over few people. I won’t mention who and why but yes I am, I really am. I don’t like to get upset but its not good either when I am.